http://yourbigpicturecafe.comTo read episode one of Valerie and Marie go to Washington, please go to:
In episode one of Valerie and Marie go to Washington, we watched as Valerie C. Wisecracker and Marie Nofsinger were preparing for their April 4th Music Land show at Your Big Picture Café, when suddenly they realized that silly national policies on things like healthcare, marijuana, gay rights and abortion were preventing many of their friends from coming to the show. So our two musical outlaws have set off to Washington in their 1975 Winnebego Indian portable sound studio – the Music Maverick – to fix all these problems in time for their upcoming show.
As the girls pull into Washington D.C. they head straight for the Capitol Building only to find something quite unexpected.
“Val,” said Marie, “do you see what I see?”
“Yeah,” replied Val, slowly, “but is that supposed to be there?”
For directly behind and slightly to the left of the Capitol Building stood a small forest of giant redwood trees. Val and Marie realized that they had never seen these trees before in pictures, news reports or anywhere else.
“Val,” asked Marie, “maybe we should check that out.”
“Let’s do it,” said Val firmly.
And so the Music Maverick cruised around behind the Capitol Building headed for the redwood forest, and as they approached the girls noticed a two-track dirt road leading into it with a large metal box on one side of the entry way. A metal plate bolted on the side of the box clearly read, “Haliburton Cloak-O-Matic 1000,” while a wooden sign loosely hung over the front of the box read, “Temporarily Out Of Order.”
“Ah-hah,” Val exclaimed, “so this forest has been hidden from the public all this time.”
“I wonder what else they’re hiding from us here in Washington,” Marie stated,
“I don’t know,” answered Val, “but we’re gonna find out.”
Slowly, the duo drove deeper and deeper into the secret forest looking for clues on how to solve all of our nation’s problems. After a few minutes of driving past towering trees, frog ponds and a variety of wild flower patches, the Music Maverick came to the end of the road as it wound around in front of a small white cottage in the middle of the forest. The unmistakable sound of a candy apple red 1950 Hoover Model 29 vacuum blared through the cottage’s open windows.
Val and Marie got out of the Music Maverick, walked up onto the sloped wood slat porch and knocked on the screen door that was closed before the open front door. Suddenly the vacuuming stopped, and to our ventures’ surprise and shock, President Obama walked into the front room and headed straight for them.
Now anyone would be surprised to see the President under such unusual circumstances, but more than that, Val and Marie were shocked by what they saw. For President Obama was dressed in a pearl black Victoria’s Secret “Sexy Little French Maid” outfit (model #GK-276-789), with a pair of complimenting, custom grey matte, size 7, Saint Laurent classic Janis 80 buckle ankle boots.
“Hi, can I help you?” the President said unflinchingly.
“Mr. President?” Val and Marie both said in unison.
“Yes,” the President responded straight faced.
“It’s just that we weren’t expecting to find you here,” explained Val.
“Barack, please, call me Barack and come on in,” he said opening the screen door for them to enter. He then asked, “Would you like some tea?”
“Yes, well, no we can’t,” said Marie still a bit confused, “you see, we’re on a mission to solve all of the nation’s woes before our April 4th Music Land show at Your Big Picture Café.”
“You mean the place in Davie with the great pizza?” aksed Barack.
“Why, yes,” confirmed Val.
“Nice place,” said the President. “and there is pizza, right?”
“Yes, Mr. Pre… Barack, I mean,” continued Val, “there most definitely is pizza, but if we don’t solve all our nation’s woes by show time, our friends won’t be able to attend and enjoy either our music or the pizza.”
“Good lord,” proclaimed Barack, “ that would be a disaster. Well, we can’t let that happen. If you agree not to say who told you, I can tell you where to find the source of all our nation’s problems. But it’ll be up to you to solve them. Agreed?”
“Yes, Barack, yes,” they both replied gleefully.
“Alright, now listen carefully….,” and on that cue Val and Marie leaned in closer as Barack whispered his long held secret to them.
As Val and Marie thanked the President and began to walk out the door, Marie turned and asked, “Barack, I hope you don’t mind me asking, but…”
“I know,” he interrupted her, “you want to know about the outfit.”
“Well, yes, we were just wondering,” Val said blushing.
“The real truth is that Michelle runs the country and they just roll me out for appearances. She puts in long days up on the hill and it gives her a little thrill thinking of me here vacuuming in my little maid’s outfit,” he explained.
Val and Marie stood frozen with dead pan faces not knowing what to say.
Noticing their quandary, he quickly added, “And, besides, we found this whole outfit on clearance at the local Army-Navy store.”
“Oh well then, that’s grand, great, fine, nice fit.” they both burst out smiling, spilling their words out over each other as they shook Barack’s hand again and then jovially returned to the Music Maverick.
As they pulled away from the cottage waving through the Winnebago’s windows, Barack waving back at them from the cottage’s front porch, Val said, “Wow, what a get up!”
“Right!” agreed Marie, “but I think those size 7’s were a bit tight on him. His calves looked puffy.”
And so our two sojourners headed back out of the secret redwood forest following the trail of clues the President had given to them. But what will they find at the end of that trail? Will it really be all of our nation’s woes? And if they do find them, how will Val and Marie solve them in time for their April 4th Music Land Show at Your Big Picture Café, from 8pm to 11pm?
For answers to these and other important questions – like where is that fabulous Army-Navy Store the President was talking about – stay tuned for next week’s episode of Valerie and Marie Go To Washington – Part 3 of 4.