Diane Ward in Outer Space – Part 1 of 4
As scene one opens, we find our heroine, Diane Ward, frantically scurrying around her house looking under sofa cushions, peering behind her desk and checking under her bed as she prepares for her upcoming concert at Your Big Picture Café. You know, the place with free admission and great pizza!
“Where is it?” she exclaims. “I just put it down for a moment and now it’s gone. How am I ever gonna finish the last song for my Music Land show at Your Big Picture Café on March 7th from 8pm to 11pm if I can’t find the Final Note.”
Dear readers, it seems that Diane has somehow misplaced the Final Note she needs to complete the music set for her upcoming show, and without it the show cannot go on. What will Diane do? Will she keep turning over sofa cushions? Will she call her local, trustworthy music detective? Or will she turn on the TV and order a pizza from Your Big Picture Cafe?
Finally, after a few more moments of futile searching, Diane stands upright, thrusts her outstretched hands to the sky and proclaims, “I will do none of the above. Instead, I will go to the ends of the universe to find that Final Note!” And so, with that said, Diane grabs her Buzz Lightyear-ette space suit – size 4&3/4 – from her closet, jumps into the Diane-mobile and roars off to Cape Canaveral.
(scene one fade to black)
At the beginning of scene two, we find Diane in her space suit sitting inside a capsule set atop an Aaron Rents Atlas Rocket perched on launchpad 3 at the cape. Suddenly, the capsule door swings opens and in pops her co-pilot. Diane’s eyes bulge with sudden recognition.
“Hey, you’re David Bowie,” she shouts.
“Why yes, I am,” replies David demurely.
“But I thought Major Tom was going to be the co-pilot on my mission to the ends of the universe in search of the Final Note.”
“Well, yes, he was, but we can’t find him,” David explained.
“What do you mean? What happened?” Diane asked.
“We’re not exactly sure,” David told her. “Last we heard, he had taken his protein pills, put his helmet on, and was about to step outside when we heard him muttering something about going outside to change his shirt because the newspapers kept asking what kind it was he wore and he felt that was an invasion of privacy.”
“So then what happened?” Diane inquired with anticipation.
“Well, we warned him it wasn’t a good idea to change his shirt while outside the old tin can in outer space, but he wouldn’t listen and… well, let’s just say we had to pay the cleaner overtime to get it white again.”
“Oh,” said Diane sadly.
“Yes, quite,” David answered with his eyes downcast.
“Shall we be off then?” asked Diane excitedly.
“Yes, let’s,” David happily agreed.
And so we watch as our two intrepid space travelers blast off over the horizon and into outer space in search of the Final Note.
(scene two fade to black)
Now dear readers, stay tuned until next week’s episode of (cue dramatic trumpet blasts – Dah, Dah, Dah, DAAAHHH) Diane Ward in Outer Space!