Welcome back dear readers to Episode Four of Diane Ward In Outer Space!
To read the first three episodes please go to:
Now for episode 4.
Well dear readers, as our fourth and final episode of Diane Ward In Outer Space begins, we find Diane and David Bowie on the planet of Buddha Blues sitting upon a plush carpet sipping tea with Buddha Blues and his musical soul mate Stella Blues in the magnificent gardens surrounding their grand glass palace. Strangely, Buddha Blues looks a lot like Gerry Garcia, while Stella bears a remarkable resemblance to Mama Cass, replete with a chicken bone stuck half way down her throat. To make matters even odder, both Blues are chewing on three to four chicken drum sticks at the same time, while Buddha plays his guitar and Stella keeps time on a tambourine.
“Thank you for having us here as you honored guests, Buddha Blues,” says Diane as orange blossom incense wafts through the air about them, “but if you don’t mind my asking, shouldn’t it be Stella Blue instead of Blues?”
“It is our pleasure to have you sit beside us on this fine, sunny afternoon to enjoy tea together,” replies Buddha Blues, “but I must tell you, if you thought I used to smoke a lot of pot while in my past life on planet Earth, you should have seen the guy who type set our record labels. Anyhow, tell us now why have you come to visit?”
“Well,” said Diane, “I’m looking for the Final Note I need to complete my music set for my Music Land concert at Your Big Picture Café this coming March 7th.”
“You mean that cafe out in Davie,” asked Stella Blues.
“Yes,” answered Diane.
“Nice place,” responded Stella.
“When we began our journey three episodes ago,” Diane continued, “we ran into the JEWIS who said the Final Note was on Ugliama. But their ruler, Ugliamost, said that it was here with you. By the way, do you think it’s really a good idea to chew on so many chicken bones at same time?”
“Why not!” exclaimed Buddha Blues. “You can only die once!
“Actually, I’ve died several times on stage,” interjected David.
“Died or had terminal wardrobe malfunction?” inquired Buddha with a smile.
“Good one,” hollered Stella slapping the tambourine on her thigh for emphasis. David just sipped his tea while looking sideways and reminding himself this was all just union scale work for him.
“So Buddha Blues,” asked Diane refocusing the conversation, “can you help us find the Final Note?”
Buddha Blues stopped strumming his guitar just long enough to reach into his pocket and place an F# on the carpet next to Diane. Diane and David stared in disbelief as their eyes fell upon the long lost Final Note.
“May I?” asked Diane in astonishment.
“It is yours,” confirmed Buddha Blues, “but wait, there’s more.”
“More,” wondered David, “but all we needed is the Final Note and you have so graciously given it to us.”
“You have journeyed millions of miles in search of the Final Note,” clarified Buddha, “but as in any great journey, there is always something more that awaits your discovery. That is why you have come here. Not for the Final Note, Diane, for it was always inside you. You never had to come here for that. But there was something else missing, something you did not realize you did not yet have. There has been an emptiness, a longing, a compelling desire inside of you that you have never been able to quench, to satiate, to satisfy, and that is why you have traveled all these many miles, through great dangers and risks.”
“Well, thank you Buddha Blues,” Diane blushed, “but the Ugliamites weren’t all that bad, even if they were republicans. After all, they did have a sense of humor.”
“I’m not talking about them, Diane,” corrected Buddha, “I’m talking about your having to listen to David talk endlessly on about all his old boyfriends.”
“Oh, that,” said Diane. “Nothing longshoreman 80 decibel earplugs can’t take care of.”
“You are very wise, Diane,” agreed Buddha Blues, “and a very good musician, too. But tell me if I am wrong. Is there not an emptiness within that you have never fulfilled? Is there not a longing you have yet to answer? Do you not feel something missing deep down inside?
Diane cast her eyes downward, tears beginning to flow, as she said, “Yes, oh great Buddha, I am not yet whole.”
“Then come with me child,” instructed Buddha, “and I will show you why you really came here.” With that, Buddha and Stella Blues both levitated a few feet above the carpet while still in their crossed legged positions as they floated back into their great glass palace with Diane and David walking behind. They went through countless glass hallways, down endless glass corridors, through uncountable glass doors, past innumerable glass chambers, all the while having wait for David who continually stopped to admire his own reflection. Finally they came to an immeasurably large glass hall that contained nothing except a single large crate. Two levitating and two walking, the foursome slowly approached the ancient looking wooden box.
“Go ahead, Diane,” Stella Blues said reassuringly.
Diane gave the F# in her pocket a gentle squeeze for good luck and then approached the object before them. Slowly lifting its top along one edge, she peered inside.
“Oh great and wondrous Buddha Blues,” cried out Diane, “how can I ever thank you. We now have everything we need for our March 7th Music Land show at Your Big Picture Café!”
Buddha smiled knowingly, and then, turning even more blue than before, began to hack and cough uncontrollably as an object matching Stella’s appeared midway down his throat.
“Oh, my goddess,” cried Diane, “he’s choking on a chicken bone. “What should we do?”
“Don’t worry,” said Stella as Buddha coughed harder and turned even bluer, “take the Final Note and the box and be on your way. After all, as the Buddha said, you can only die once.”
And so our two intrepid musical travelers loaded themselves and their cargo back on board and then blasted off for their return trip home.
“I still can’t believe it,” said David as he and Diane sat behind the controls of their spacecraft the Music Missile on its return trip to Earth, the Final Note and mystery crate both safely stowed away. “But how did they know that we needed more than just the Final Note for your March 7th show?”
“I don’t know,” replied Diane as she took a deep breath enjoying the wonderful smell emanating from the box Buddha Blues had given to them. “You sure you set the oven to warm after you put the box in it?”
“Of course,” David reassured her, “how else could we have HOT PIZZA AT YOUR BIG PICTURE CAFÉ!!!”
Oh yes dear readers, for all of those of you who have yet to hear, there is HOT PIZZA now available at Your Big Picture Café. So come enjoy every note, from the first to the final, of Diane Ward in concert at Music Land on Friday, March 7th, at Your Big Picture Café where there’s free parking, free admission, free music, great times, and now HOT PIZZA!!!