To read episodes one and two of Valerie and Marie go to Washington, please go to:
In episode two of Valerie and Marie go to Washington, we read all about how Val and Marie, upon arriving in our nation’s capitol, met President Barack Obama vacuuming inside his little white cottage in the secret redwood forest that’s hidden behind the Capitol Building. Mr. Obama, wearing a pearl black Victoria’s Secret “Sexy Little French Maid” outfit (model #GK-276-789), with a pair of complimenting, custom grey matte, size 9, Saint Laurent classic Janis 80 buckle ankle boots, told our two problem solvers where they could find the origin of all our nation’s woes.
As we catch up with Val and Marie in episode three, we find them following the President’s clues as they embark on a routine tour of our nation’s Capitol Building. As the tour group enters the Hall of Columns that’s located directly beneath the Hall of the House of Representatives, Val gestures to Marie.
“Look, over there Marie,” exclaims Val, “that must be the stairwell the President told us about.”
“You’re right,” agrees Marie, “that’s it for sure.”
Slowly, our two capitol detectives begin to lag behind the rest of the group, and when no one is looking, they quickly slip down the suspicious winding marble staircase that rapidly spirals down into the bowels of the Capitol Building. At the bottom, they transverse a multitude of small winding hallways interlocked by smaller staircases which take them further into the earth’s crust. Then, suddenly, after rounding a corner, Val and Marie come to a dead end.
“Wow, look, there it is just as he said it would be,” Val proclaimed.
“Geesh,” Marie chimed in, “I feel like we’re in some sort of a dream.”
Standing still in their tracks, our intrepid travelers stood before a single door that had two words clearly embossed upon it: Janitor’s Closet. Opening the door and stepping inside, they quickly make their way to the back of the small enclosure where they find what they were looking for: a small, metal coat hook with nothing hanging from it.
“Oh my gosh,” Marie gushed, “this is so exciting. Do you really think this is it?”
Suddenly, Marie and Val hear distant footsteps and voices quickly approaching them.
“They must have gone off this way,” they heard one of the voices faintly shout as the sound of running footsteps got louder and closer.
“Well,” declared Val, “we’d best find out. It’s now or never.”
Placing her right hand on the bare coat hook and firmly twisting it to the left as the President had instructed, Val stood aghast as the entire back wall slowly swung away from them revealing an ancient secret passage way. Looking at each other knowingly, and with their pursuers approaching rapidly, without a word the two sleuths jumped into the newly revealed passageway just as the secret doorway swung closed again behind them. Holding their breaths, they listened in the dark as their pursuers entered the other side of the closet.
“Nope, no one in here. Maybe they went the other way. Come on, let’s go!” the faceless voice declared as the sound of running footsteps receded.
“Phew, that was close,” said Marie.
“Sure was,” said Val as she fished out her handy-dandy 2008 South Florida Folk Festival official flashlight with pictures of Marie and Val on the side as featured performers. Throwing the switch, she and Marie slowly descended the dark passageway along narrow brick lined corridors with dirt floors, and down rickety wooden staircases with dilapidated railings. After what seemed like an eternity, they finally came to another door, but this time it was wooden, worn and ancient looking.
“Marie, this is it,” said Val, “just like Barack had said. On the other side of this door lies the cause of all our nation’s woes”
“Oh, Val,” Marie replied, “can’t we just take a short rest. I’m so tired and just need to catch my breath before we go any further.”
“Sure thing, Marie,” agreed Val, “let’s just rest here for a moment.”
As our two weary gumshoes slid down the sides of the wall to rest on the dirt floor, Marie suddenly let out a shout.
“Ouch,” she cried, and looking down where she had momentarily sat, she and Val saw what looked like a sharp corner of wood sticking up through the dirt floor. Digging quickly and carefully they were soon holding a very old looking, small wooden box in their hands.
“What do you think’s it is?” Marie asked.
“Don’t know, but we’re gonna find out,” Val said as she slowly opened the lid. Inside was a single, very old worn piece of parchment with visible handwriting on it. Carefully lifting it from the box, Val began to read outloud:
“December 10th, 1776. Dear Ben, I can’t tell you how much I miss you. As I sit here in our secret hiding place, I long to be with you again. Oh, how cold and lonely these long winter nights are without you by my side. I can’t wait for your return and our reuniting. Your’s lovingly forever, George.”
Marie looked at Val for a moment and then said, “Val, that isn’t what I think it is, is it?”
“Girlfriend,” answered Val, “I ain’t asking and I ain’t telling, but it sure seems to be.”
Standing together in the near dark while holding the antique parchment between them, Val’s flashlight momentarily drooped in her hand down toward the bottom of the wooden doorway where they noticed something peculiar.
“Hey, Marie,” said Val, “look at that, will you.”
Etched into the wood of the doorway, as if by a pen knife long ago, was the time worn carving of a heart with an arrow threw it and the initials “GW + BF.”
“I guess our forefathers loved each other as much as they loved our country,” giggled Marie.
“Sure looks that way,” agreed Val. “Well, good for them. But things won’t be all gay and happy again until we solve our nation’s woes, so we’d best be getting on with our mission.”
“You’re right, Val,” Marie concurred. “Shall we?”
And with both their hands placed firmly together on the handle, our two truth seekers slowly turned the knob and opened the ancient wooden door and stepped through it into a brightly lit room to find something they were totally not expecting.
“Holy crap, Marie, quick over here!” Val instructed and they both jumped from the doorway as it swung closed behind them.
Oh, golly gosh dear readers, what could Val and Marie have discovered? Could it truly be the cause of all our nation’s problems? Or could it all be a sinister trap set by President Obama? Or, perhaps, have they just ended up in the slow line during the noon day rush at a subterranean McDonald’s?
For answers to these and other important questions – like does this explain why George and Ben were always wearing skimpy, come-hither spandex leggings in their portraits – stay tuned for next week’s final episode of Valerie and Marie Go To Washington – Part 4 of 4.